When pleasure causes pain – how to deal with dyspareunia?
The term dyspareunia is defined as sexual dysfunction, which is manifested by pain during intercourse, as well as before or after it. Its grounds can be different: inflammation, chronic diseases, pathological structure of reproductive organs as well as psychological causes. While the physical ailment can be easily diagnosed and cured, in many cases the problem is deeply rooted in consciousness and the treatment is much more difficult. How can you try to cope with dyspareunia yourself? When is it worth using sexological help?
The definition of sex
Although the assumption of sexual intercourse is to evoke only positive associations, it is not so for everyone, because not everyone perceives sexuality in the same way. Of course, its meaning is clear – it is a natural function of the body, motivating to take actions aimed at establishing and maintaining contacts and ties with another person, based on environmental, cultural, psychological, biological and – finally – hedonistic factors. Unfortunately, in the era of pop culture and re-evaluation of many important issues, sex also lost its importance and function. For many, it has ceased to be a factor connecting people in any deeper way, and has only become a form of expression, a means to achieve momentary pleasure. Of course, this is not always the case, but it is easy to notice that – speaking in a very simplified way – sex is less and less often a value, a significant expression of closeness and a way of expressing love, and more often it becomes just a kind of mechanical action. Admittedly, this does not make it less pleasant, however, and sex without deeper feelings is associated with a completely different emotional load. It may happen that, despite mutual desire the sex is not satisfying. It is easier to work through it with a trusted partner. With someone met by chance it is harder to be honest.
However, physical problems, such as dyspareunia, can arise regardless of your approach to sex. Many people struggle with problems concerning their own sexuality, in sexual act they can not see its original role, not all its meanings are properly interpreted. It also happens that the problem manifests itself in a purely physical way, through pain, which, however, is caused not only by physical factors. Sexological help is extremely important because sex is an important part of interpersonal relations. However, before deciding on the help of a specialist, everyone should answer the question individually, what sexual intercourse is for him and what he wants to express through it, in a word – despite the predetermined role, everyone should define sex and give it their own meaning. Then, in the event of any problems, it will be easier for him to find their causes, and in many cases also to solve them.
Dyspareunia – sex without pleasure
For many people, sex is not what it should be. The mere mention of him causes resentment, because it is associated only with pain, unpleasantness, discomfort. The reasons for this can be very different. They are often attributed to physical factors, which – in the case of a proper diagnosis – is often easily cured and allows you to restore sex life to the right track. However, this is not always the case – dyspareunia can also have a basis in the psyche, which is not always easy to diagnose. A sex therapy, (couples therapy or individual therapy) can play a big role here. It can help you find the source of the problem and work it out properly. Pain before, during and after intercourse, which has no physiological explanation, very often leads to resentment, coldness and, as a consequence, even to the breakup of a relationship. First of all, it deprives not so much of the possibilities as the skills of making good interpersonal contacts, because it creates a blockade that is hard to break. Sexuality does not refer only to the human body – it is also related to self-esteem, self-confidence, external attractiveness, which makes you more open, willing to establish relationships with others. That is why it is so important not to underestimate the problem and – if you can not solve it yourself – go to a specialist in sexuality disorders who can find the causes of the problem and deal with them correctly.
Causes of psychological pain – how to deal with them?
Dyspareunia may be related to one’s sexual past which was harmful and difficult to cope with. This does not always have to mean rape, although – unfortunately – in many cases it is rape, as well as sexual harassment, that are the cause of subsequent sexual dysfunction. However, you don’t need such drastic examples. Dyspareunia, whose causes are not in physiology, can also be the result of psychological trauma, associated e.g. with the memory of a painful delivery, after which sexual intercourse seems impossible, or with trauma after the first encounter, which turned out to be painful. Often, the misperception of sex, driven by the media, can cause a blockade so strong that the mere thought of intercourse causes pain. Also inappropriate sexual selection, sexual acts that do not cause pleasure, can cause not only resentment, but almost pathological fear, and thus – also physical pain, which effectively deters from subsequent intercourses.
It is very important to realize that pain before, during and after intercourse is not natural, and if it occurs, it’s cause should be found immediately. Assuming that you are in a lasting relationship, the first and most important step is an open and honest conversation with your partner. Sex is an important element of living together, something that strengthens and cements the love between two people, which is why any problems with it are the beginning of conflicts and the consequences can be extremely unpleasant. Obviously – sex is a natural human need that, if unsatisfied, generates problems and frustrations that lead to the collapse of positive feelings in the relationship. It may turn out that the cause of pain during sex is the wrong technique, shame, conviction about the imperfections of one’s body, which creates a blockade so strong that this not only does not allow you to enjoy sex, but also evokes physical ailments.
After the conversation and after feeling ready to find the cause, the next step should be a gynecological consultation, which will confirm or exclude any possible physical cause of pain. If such a visit does not answer the question about pain during intercourse, you should visit a sexologist who will help find other causes, and above all help solve them. A visit to a sexologist is nothing embarrassing and sometimes it is the only way to be able to enjoy sex. It is extremely important in building your own identity, necessary to not only feel good, but above all to live in harmony and sympathy with yourself.