When the long-awaited little man comes into the world, young people usually look to the future with optimism, imagining the time they spend together with the child. Additionally, the ubiquitous access to social media, where young mothers see other women in great shape bursting with energy within a month of giving birth, can give the illusion that returning to the times before pregnancy is only a matter of moments.
However, in many cases life is not so colorful, and young parents face a new reality where sleepless nights, uncertainty in caring for the newborn and chronic fatigue make their mark. It is also a delicate matter, but for all new parents, to decide to return to pre-pregnancy sexual function, and what is often overlooked, this problem affects not only women but also men. That is why it is very important to talk about your fears and go through the “second time” together, and in case of any doubts, do not be afraid to seek the help of a sexologist.
When to start intercourse after childbirth?
A woman who leaves the hospital after natural childbirth is usually informed by her doctor that she may resume intercourse 6-8 weeks after giving birth. On the other hand, a woman who has undergone a cesarean section must wait at least 6 weeks before having sex. Of course, it all depends on the course and general health of the young mother.
In fact, returning to sex is an individual topic, and the decision to return should be made jointly. Neither side should pressure or exert pressure on the other side. The more that the woman’s body is completely disorganized not only physically, but also mentally (hormonal changes, postpartum depression) and it takes time to find itself in the new reality.
Let’s not forget about the men. Family births are becoming more and more popular. Until now, women were alone at the time of childbirth. Now they can have the support of their partners, which is an invaluable help in this important event. However, fathers are not always ready to see what they find in the delivery room. There may be times when their situation becomes overwhelming, which may result in less desire than before pregnancy.
Fears and doubts
Weeks, sometimes months pass, and the desire for sex does not come? Physically, everything is fine, so theoretically you can get back to intercourse. However, fatigue and caring for a child, as well as a new reality – do not help. Feelings that can accompany parents are remorse that the old flame has gone out somewhere, and the passion is lost between the bottles and diapers. Additionally, knowing that the lack of desire can also have a bad effect on your partner and cause them to feel rejected is another stimulus that closes this vicious circle.
How to help each other and find old passion?
First, take your time. Give your partner time. Don’t put pressure on yourself. And when the time comes, you will both feel that the best moment has come.
But when the same doesn’t come, keep talking! If you both feel that you are skipping the topic of returning to sex after pregnancy, neither of you initiates the first contact, it is a sign to approach the topic consciously and talk about your fears, doubts or fears.
Small gestures, a simple hug, praise, compliment, appreciation for everyday activities, holding hands, spending time together are small steps that show that you are still interested in each other and that you care about yourself.
A space that brings you closer
In order to regain full form after pregnancy, young parents should not forget about the activities they performed before the birth of their baby. Therefore, if mom liked shopping and meeting her friends in a cafe, she should come back to it, having the support of her dad, who will ensure comfort, peace and the feeling that he will take good care of the baby during the trip. Also, a man should not give up his favorite bike ride or gym. Of course, the question of the frequency of exits should be agreed jointly and fairly. This kind of escape from everyday life can help partners reawaken their lust.
Being aware of the problem, talking and making a joint decision about starting therapy or asking a sexologist for clarification of bothering questions should be something natural. Fortunately, more and more young parents are able to find in themselves and in their relationship problems that require specialist support and, above all, are not ashamed and are not afraid to use this help. Therefore, if as young parents you feel that you are stuck in everyday life and nothing is moving forward for the better, and desire is not coming back, you should, for the common good, take this first step and seek advice from a sexologist who can suggest individual sessions or couple’s therapy.