Children are free from social conventions, prejudices or patterns, so their character and temperament is – it can be said – like a set of elements. It is hardly surprising that the child’s attitude is not always in line with the norms. The child learns behavior, recognizing his own emotions and reactions, but before he does, he makes a lot of mistakes, often embarrasses, he will not be able to adapt many times. And does shyness in a child require the help of a specialist?
Not a child, but a small person
A child differs from an adult by a lack of experience and by the fact that his nervous system is still maturing, and every reaction of the body and emotion is completely new to him. However, with each of them – including shyness, closure, and distance – he is trying to cope in his own way.
Recognition of a child as a full-fledged person who has the right to his emotions and feelings from birth, as well as empathy and willingness to cooperate with the child are the key to understanding his reactions. This is not an easy task and many parents decide to seek help from a child psychologist.
Where does shyness in children come from?
Shyness in children is natural, although there are many factors that affect its deepening. Unfortunately, they can occur frequently.
Many adults have a problem in making contacts, calling a stranger, answering phone calls, finding themselves in larger groups of people, and even a larger group of friends. And this is considered normal. Because it is explained with an introverted character, a bad day, fatigue, etc.
In turn, children are often required to be open and pugnacious, even towards unknown people, in an unfamiliar environment and in situations that sometimes restrain adults. But we have to remember that the child also has the right to feel insecure. The lack of parental support in such a situation, or on the contrary – intrusive encouragement to enter into unwanted interactions – does not help in getting rid of shyness. Very often, the parent begins to think that this behavior is disturbing and decides to visit a specialist with the child. However, it is not always justified.
How to build confidence in your child?
Being shy can result from many factors and disappear due to meeting new people, new situations or circumstances, or on the contrary – deepen. What can you do to make your child feel more confident?
- Don’t force certain behaviors. It’s obvious that every parent wants their child to be “good” – responding to others and playing with others. However, it should be remembered that the child learns through observation. It is worth giving him time to understand some mechanisms himself, talk about his role in society, opportunities, encourage him to take action, but not force him. You must assure your child that they have the right to feel embarrassed and ashamed and that they do not have to respond to the “commands” of others. He doesn’t have to sing songs and say poems on his aunt’s birthday, if he doesn’t feel confident and doesn’t feel like it. He may not feel like playing with a friend.
- Do not label or stigmatize, telling the child that he is rude or shy. It creates the feeling that if mum or dad says so, it means that the child can do nothing about it. This, in turn, in the case of negative messages, does not motivate to change behavior, but even deprives self-esteem.
- Ensure safety and support. A child who feels safe, is supported, has a strong internal motivation, built through a healthy relationship with parents and is appreciated, feels more confident. This does not mean, however, that your child will never feel embarrassed or ashamed. These feelings are natural in many situations.
However, if shyness begins to deepen – take the form of panic or expand to the new spheres of live – it is worth considering what could be its cause. In such a situation, it may be necessary to consult a child psychologist who will help determine where the problem lies.