It is not easy to be lonely, but it is definitely harder to live among people with whom it is difficult to reach agreement. Unfortunately, for more and more people this sentence turns out to be true. Partnership and parental conflicts are widespread, space for agreement and joint resolution of problematic issues is shrinking. How to make life together simpler, more pleasant and, above all, based on values common to all? How to improve your relationships with your loved ones? Can psychological help be needed?
Why can the relationship between the loved ones be so easily broken?
Contemporary culture has slightly distorted the view on some issues. Increasingly, values such as friendship, love and intimacy are used extremely expressively. They are overvalued and this cause them to lose quality. To name someone “closest”, a kind of “soul agreement” is no longer important – the distance and frequency of meetings, regardless of their quality, is becoming more important.
Friendship and closeness means the ability to talk together and the opportunity to meet, not the fact of having a great knowledge of another person. Love, in turn, finds its other path, more and more often it concerns phenomena, actions or things than the sphere to which it originally referred. It is worth realizing which of the surrounding people are actually the closest – are those who live nearby, with whom you can always meet and talk, or, on the contrary, those with whom you share something more despite the fact that you spend less time togehter?
Very often, within one family there are many splits that result from negligence or from shifting emotions and feelings to other spheres. For example weakening of friendly relations is often seen at times of change of residence. It is worth remembering, however, that the closest person is the one who has been involved in building our identity, one whose presence had a significant, positive impact on a number of our activities or the shape of emotions. He is a person whose presence does not define us, but creates us. And it doesn’t matter if he or she is around or living at the other end of the world. The closest people are characterized by the fact that they ARE, regardless of whether we are physically with them. Very often the spark and emotions are lost somewhere, and routine and everyday life take over, which makes everyday living a bit more common. Ofeten it comes to disagreements that spoil the mutual atmosphere. And what can you do when you need to repair relationships with your loved ones? How to improve communication with your loved ones?
Time – the most important thing in relationships
Time is a key issue. Giving someone your time, it’s worth remembering that it’s not just about quantity, but also quality of that time. Spending time with family or friends is extremely important, but it loses its value if it is based mainly on being together rather than deepening relationships and broadening shared horizons. Time should be spent qualitatively, but this does not always mean long discussions about the worldview or regular organization of family meetings to build good relationships with your loved ones. But at the moment when you want to give someone your time – do it with commitment, be focused on the person or persons, and not just rely on sole presence. It is important to be able to separate the time spent with your loved ones from other activities, recognize it as a value that is not given to everyone, and duly appreciate it. In such moments, the rest of the world should be turned off and you should be focused only on this small world that is created with your loved ones. What can you do as part of spending time together, to improve relationships with your loved ones?
- Cut off from the phone and social media at times when you spend time with family and friends. If you have declared readiness and willingness to devote time – let it be dedicated only to the loved ones.
- Joint meals – if they were not a tradition, you should create it and eat at least one meal a day at the common table.
- Talk about “everything and nothing”, express and name emotions, open yourself to others and express a desire to hear their views.
- Find a way to spend time together, interesting to everyone. It can be a movie screening and encouragement for discussion after it or playing games together.
- Engage in everyday activities. There are many things you can do together. It is worth breaking the thinking of infallibility and greatest efficiency in certain matters and let others engage in them as well. Cooking, cleaning or shopping together can be a reason for many interesting conversations, as well as an interesting form of spending time together.
It is also very important to demand time from others. You should work on the common good and express your willingness to be with someone. Above all, however, you must learn to express your comments and expectations in the right way so as to present time together as a value, not a moment full of tension and frustration. The key to success is positive communication, an attitude free of claims, but at the same time firm, simply saying “I am here for you and I need you to be here for me.”
Remebering about others
It is important to remember that you have your loved ones around you. Social media are an ideal medium for letting you know that you are thinking about someone close. It is worth showing interest by making a phone call or writing a message that shows that someone is an important element of your everyday life.
Resolving conflict situations
The value of a relationship is determined by its clarity. It is impossible to reach agreement and improve communication with your loved ones if any bad feelings are hidden. It is worth learning to talk about your dilemmas, try to solve them together, using non-violent communication. If it seems impossible to reach agreement, it is worth referring to a specialist. Therapy for families is sometimes the only right way to rebuild lost relationships.
Time spent together, attention and searching for opportunities to simply BE with your loved ones is crucial in building positive relationships with them. Sometimes a psychologist’s support in communicating with loved ones may be necessary, but you should know that this is the last resort and you have used all possible methods to repair the damage on your own.
