Being in a relationship with another person is one of the most beautiful things – but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. It requires reconciling two characters and two different ways of looking at the world.
A relationship means creating a common reality and place, entering one path leading in the same direction. Often, however, this path begins to fork. There are conflicts in the relationship, which very often lead to split and, as a consequence, dissolution. How can you fight for a relationship? When should you get specialist help in the form of therapy for couples?
It’s not like a loving couple don’t have conflicts in the relationship. Quite the opposite – the quarrels result from mutual listening, caring for the common good, while respecting our own borders. It is difficult to imagine a relati=onship, in which each person always agrees with each other.
Of course, between two people there may be an unusual agreement, compatibility of characters or sense of humor, but eventually there comes the moment when there will be differences. It is completely natural and does not require consultation with a couple therapist. They do not immediately mean a crisis, because everyone has the right to have a different opinion. However, a compatible pair is one that through conversation – sometimes even a sharp exchange of arguments, quarrels – can agree and make a compromise, which is ideal for both parties.
Where do conflicts in a relationship come from?
Almost everything can start a conflict. The easiest way to say is that these are differences in opinions and feelings, but – in the light of the fact that everyone has the right to them – this is not so obvious.
- Stubbornness. It appears if neither side wants to let go and is convinced of its own rightness. This is a serious cause of conflicts in a relationship.
- Lack of listening, lack of communication. Hearing does not mean listening, and being beside does not mean being with someone.
- Betrayals, insincerity in a relationship, addictions. Such conflicts are most difficult to resolve. For many people, therapy for couples helps, but many also admit that lost trust is very difficult to rebuild.
- A different approach to life, which often comes to light only after starting a family. A different approach to raising children and running a household, the emergence of new but different priorities, the inability to agree on household duties are often a source of frustration and leads to conflicts in a relationship.
It is worth bearing in mind that quarrels – even those more intense – do not require specialist intervention if they lead to overwork and agreement. They are a natural element of living together. The problem arises if they are widespread and caused by less and less important matters.
How to resolve conflicts in a relationship?
Even if disputes arise a little more often than usual, it is worth considering ways to resolve them without involving a therapist for couples. What can you do to ease conflicts in a relationship? What makes arguments less frequent and even differences in sentences are not a source of common reproach?
It is the basis of every relationship. It is very important not to avoid conversation in difficult situations and to be able to talk about everything. Neither party should feel embarrassed, afraid of being ridiculed and rejected.
Coping with problems
In a relationship problems can always arise and affect everything. It is very important not to underestimate them, not postpone them, not walk away from them.
Act together, not against each other
Never should the rule of “eye for eye” be applied. Doing bad things to each other, without communication, just to teach a lesson and show how bad you feel, never worked for anyone. If there is something that causes discomfort, evokes regret and anger – the cause of negative emotions and a common way to solve it should be found.
Spending time together
Relationship conflicts do not result from the fact that people spend too much time together, but from the fact that they do it in a low-quality way. Some value can be found in every, even ordinary activity. It is the common time – for conversations, joking, even verbal skirmishes. It is also worth finding new ways, e.g. shared hobbies, games, sport.
Showing your feelings
And not only the good ones (but this is also important). But above all – anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, misunderstanding. It is very important to speak directly about what is not easy, which causes emotional discomfort and despair. Only in this way will hidden secrets be born, which very often are a source of conflicts in a relationship.
You should also expect reciprocity – it’s not just about saying what you think yourself, but also about being open to other people’s complaints. At the same time, being in a long-term relationship should not be a reason to abandon minor tenderness. Sometimes, a hand grab, a kiss on the forehead or a hug are worth more than any fiery confession. It is also worth remembering that the reverse of love is not hatred, but indifference.
When is therapy for couples necessary?
If all of the above fails and even attempts at reconciliation lead to exacerbation of conflicts in the relationship – then therapy for couples is adviced. A specialist can help you not only find the cause of disputes, but also new ways of reconciliation. For many couples, this is the final, but extremely helpful path that leads to a new start of the relationship and raises the desire to fight for happiness together.