Infidelity. The word itself causes pain, not to mention the phenomenon, which – unfortunately – seems to be becoming more common. Bride and groom cheat, even those who are not form a formal relationship cheat on their spouses. Can betrayal be forgiven? Is it possible to repair harm and save a relationship that someone else has broken into? Can you do it yourself? When is the time to get couples therapy?
Why do people cheat?
Already at the beginning – although this may not seem entirely true to many – it should be assumed that infidelity is never a mistake made by one person. What leads to betrayal is not a figment of the mind of just a man or only a woman, but the sum of their actions. The need for infidelity is due to the incompetent fulfillment of spheres – emotional or physical – by another person. It’s not like in the movies – impulse, momentary desire, irrepressible attraction to a stranger, a random person. Of course such cases are known, but most often they are noticeable in relationships that do not have a long relationship and common foundations.
Usually, infidelity is a process that happens even before it occurs, and eventually one of the parties commits it, despite the awareness of all consequences. Unfortunately, it is rare that one realizes that this is not good before commiting it. However, everything depends on the attitude of the partners and the importance of infidelity for them.
When is a relationship exposed to infidelity?
In a relationship based on trust, honesty and openness, there is no place for betrayal. At the same time, it is not just about luck. It is also about being aware of your weaknesses and having skills in dealing with them. It is also about willingness to compromise or willingness to change. A relationship in which people are listened to each other’s needs and willing to meet them, or can openly admit that they are not coping with the expectations of the other party and want to look for solutions, is not exposed to infidelity. Why? Because betrayal comes from understatement, resentment and lack of communication.
Of course the infidelity can occur even if there are no conflicts in a relationship. Often, those who claim to be in a happy, normal relationship have to deal with this problem. However, if you look closely, happiness and satisfaction rely on living each day together, not just sharing a common apartment. On being together, not just side by side, and that makes a huge difference. It is impossible to build a healthy, deep relationship when there is no agreement on the most important levels and when there is no mutual understanding. This is where the space for infidelity appears, which is nothing more than an attempt to prove one’s worth or to seek acceptance and attention that was lacking in the partner or marriage relationship.
How to deal with infidelity?
For many, the physical contact of a partner with another person seems to be something final, but it is worth knowing that betrayal does not have to do only with sex. There are often cases of too strong emotional involvement in relationship with another person, which can be equally harmful. And although it seems inconspicuous, it is worth considering whether it is a form of searching for features that cannot be found in a partner.
How can you deal with the fact that a loved one is cheating? Only conversation and working through your mistakes together can help, and above all – the awareness that we all make mistakes. Accusations, self-restraint and reproaches are only a reinforcement of the harm that was done and – unfortunately – very often reveal the truth that betrayal was inevitable. Of course, forgiveness is the final stage in the struggle for a relationship, sometimes requiring many years of work, and there is a lot to go through if we want to save our relationship.
Most often, couples affected by infidelity, who cannot cope with harm, but are aware that it is the result of deeper problems, they decide on therapy for couples. The specialist can assess the condition of their relationship and point to these aspects of a relationship, that partners may not have noticed and which brought them on the path of mutual harm. That is why it is adviced to ask a specialist in helping couples for help.