The popularity of the Sex!Fy series caused a discussion, it moved and drew attention to the issues of female orgasm, but also in a broader context, about female sexuality, pleasure and ways of seeking sexual satisfaction. And there may be as many of these… as there are women in the world. Because there is no one universal procedure, recipe or magic formula that will lead a woman to pleasure, guarantee a sense of pleasure and lead to a successful end in all circumstances and with every partner.
The Polish pharmaceutical market will also not help much here, because it does not offer potency medications for women – the pharmacy shelves only include potency preparations for men. The offer for women includes dietary supplements that support female libido. They contain herbal substances that contribute to hyperemia of the genital organs, and thus – their increased sensitivity to touch and excitement. So how do I find my own unique code, method, formula that will make my sex life a source of joyful and unforgettable experiences?
Sexuality is in the head
The beginning of each journey … begins in the head and here, in our head, this search should begin, looking at my views on sex, what message I have received about sexuality from my family, society, past and present sexual partners and partners, previous experiences in the sexual sphere, what is my image of myself as a sexual partner. What sexual fantasies arise at the thought of sexual pleasure. What blockages, obstacles, difficulties appear in my head at the thought of seeking pleasure. It is a kind of our sexual biography, an expression of attitudes, beliefs, limitations, but also a dose of powerful knowledge about ourselves.
The family, social, cultural, religious message experienced in specific situations is the type of narrative that accompanies when we engage in sexual activity. It is often a background that defines patterns in the style of what I am allowed, what I must not, what reception my behavior may meet, it blocks, limits and even closes in an uncomfortable, imposed corset … but when viewed under a magnifying glass, in the context of our preferences, it creates Possibility to choose. Which norms, habits, and behaviors give me a sense of security and which I would like to stay in agreement with, and which disturb, block, are a source of guilt, shame and prevent me from seeking satisfaction.
Another aspect is our sexual fantasies, a particularly rich source of knowledge, because in dreams we can imagine sex with who we want, where we want and what we want. Sexual fantasies are a reflection of intimate sexual desires and needs. This is normal brain function, just like sex drive is normal. It is impossible to “escape” from such dreams. So let’s accept them and realize that they say a lot about our mental condition, sexual needs, and also about our love relationships, they reflect our personality. It is believed that erotic dreams reflect our lives, not only sexual.
They should not be interpreted literally. Thanks to fantasies, we can analyze our emotions, find out what we lack in life – gentle caresses, domination, risk or fun – and try to fulfill our own desires. It is important to be aware that to fantasize does not mean that you want to do it while awake. Often we just miss the stronger impressions because we are bored with the conventional behavior we have in our day-to-day life, but we don’t aim to live it all in reality. Sometimes it is enough to experience something in a fantasy or on a screen. What if that’s not enough? It’s just worth talking about erotic fantasies and thus, by implementing your fantasies, bring your relationship to life.
How to talk about sexual fantasies?
A jak rozmawiać o seksualnych fantazjach? Otwarcie, zwyczajnie, tak, jak o innych sprawach. Zaczynając najpierw od ustalenia intymnego języka, nazewnictwa, które będzie obojgu obrazowało sytuację i da swobodę poruszania się w erotycznej tematyce. Potem od ustalenia, że istnienie fantazji erotycznych to nic niestosownego, zdrożnego czy „brzydkiego” a wręcz służy budowaniu relacji, osiąganiu satysfakcji przez oboje parterów, tworzeniu atmosfery intymności i zaufania. Później najlepiej wyrażać się wprost, ale szanując granice partnera i jego opór przed wprowadzaniem w życie wszelkich możliwych eksperymentów. Tu też rodzi się bogate pole, by przyjrzeć się relacji partnerskiej, co w niej służy a co stanowi przeszkodę w budowaniu, intymności, bliskości, atmosfery dla poszukiwań seksualnej przyjemności. Czy w relacji jest czas, możliwość i potencjał na rozwój seksualności? A jeśli nie ma takiej przestrzeni, to dlaczego. Czy wystarczająco dużo czasu i uwagi ja poświęcam zagadnieniom seksualności. Czasem naszą uwagę tak angażują sprawy życia codziennego, że niewiele już pozostaje energii na przyjemności ciała, bliskość i rozwój sfery intymnej związku.
Poznaj swoje ciało
The body and the psyche are inseparable components of our ego. Sexual exploration of the mind should go hand in hand with knowing your body. And here it is important to know about biology, anatomy, the monthly cycle, various aspects of health related to the action of hormones, female sexual reactions or even erotic gadgets for women. Theoretical knowledge is simply related to the body. See it, get to know it, make friends with it … feel at ease in it to allow yourself to enjoy it. The set of our beliefs about ourselves, including the image of our body in our mind, we present to the world. It manifests itself in messages about oneself, the way of shaping relationships with other people, approach to the world and other people, functioning in various social groups, but also in the manner of expression, walking, eating, style of dress, gestures, words, smile, gaze … Attractiveness is a concept that eludes various possibilities of definition, because the main influence on how we are perceived by other people is our inner image of ourselves, which we bring to the world. A mature image of ourselves, including our physicality and our body, means accepting our imperfections and noticing and emphasizing the strengths, positives and unique features that distinguish us from other people.
It is worth starting the search for the sources of our pleasure with your own decision: this is how I want to experience the pleasure of physicality, carnality and sexuality. We can gain further knowledge by reaching for scientific and popular science publications, films, series, but also by using the advice and consultations of specialists. Sometimes it is worth coming to the office and in the company of a specialist to face the obstacles that stand in the way of the development of sexuality. Being aware of our own sources of pleasure and the mechanisms of sexual activity we undertake makes it easier for us to be open to experiencing our own sexuality, the sexuality of our partner, to be open to new sexual experiences and to seek sexual pleasure together. It is also a break from the taboos, myths, dos and don’ts that we have in our head and creating our own, conscious images of human intimacy and ways of achieving pleasure. Living in accordance with your own sexual preferences is striving for the joy of a satisfying sex life, which we create in accordance with our very individual, internal needs.
Read more: Sexuality
Author: Beata Rożek